Oh my god, you guys.

Okay, so I look up from the computer to see some guy out at the front deck looking at me, so I get up (in my pjs, baby) to go see what he wants. He's probably in his mid-forties and has a thick accent that my Aussieness can only pick out as Pacific Islander of some sort but means I keep missing some of the things he says. I will henceforth blame my failure to understand his accent as the root of our troubles.

The man basically says, 'Uh, hi, I'm trying to find number six on this street but there isn't one?'

And I have to admit that so far he is very correct. There is no number six on this street. Then he says he's in the area spreading the word about how Jesus Christ is our awesome saviour and that he's coming back soon. I nodded along politely and bitched in my head about how I don't go around to people's houses preaching the awesomeness of atheism and science. (I don't bitch out loud though, because that would be rude, unlike coming to my house to tell me things I already know.)

Finally after a bit he asks if he can interest me in going somewhere tomorrow and I'm thinking 'fuck NO I don't want to go to your church, just let me go back to reading Regretsy, man.' Instead of this I just say 'no, thank you, I'm not really interested.'

Lara would have just gone back inside here. Lara is good at saying no to people and walking away.

I am not.

Thus this carried on for a bit more and I talked about how I had been religious but had moved away from that, and he asked if I was alone today or if my husband or kids were inside. I told him that, no, I didn't have a husband and kids and laughed because, dear lord, the sheer idea is hilarious to me even when coming from a stranger I've never met.

He asks me a few more times to go to his church. I continue politely declining. Then he asks if maybe I'd like to go out to a restaurant with him instead. (DAMN ME FOR SAYING I DIDN'T HAVE A HUSBAND.) I told him that, sorry, no, I wasn't really interested.

Then he kept asking if I was sure.

DUDE. If someone says no the first time to a date, pestering isn't the way to win them over.

Eventually he asks why I won't go on a date with him and I say that I have a girlfriend. (Because, apparently, I'm not interested just wasn't working.)

To which he said aww, but I needed a boyfriend as well.

By this point I'm sort of thinking HOLY CRAP, CAN I JUST GET OUT OF HERE? Seriously, Lara would be out of here. Why am I not, likewise, out of here? Damn this misplaced sense of politeness!

I tell him that, no, I don't need a boyfriend because I have a girlfriend.

But the guy keeps smiling and saying that a girlfriend isn't enough and I can't really be happy with that and that I need a boyfriend instead. ON AND ON.

SWEET BABY JESUS, HOW DO I MAKE THIS STOP? (The answer would probably be to stop smiling like a rabbit in the headlights of dating doorknockers.)

He goes to say something else and I just cut him off with a big smile and 'I'm so sorry that I can't help you find number six, but good luck!' Then I take a few steps back to say THIS CONVERSATION IS NOW COMPLETE.

Luckily for me he takes that sign and while he does seem like he wants to tell me I need a boyfriend for the twelfth time and ask me to go to dinner with him, he doesn't and I smile and make my way back inside as he disappears off down the driveway.

This whole conversation was probably about six minutes long and not actually the half hour it felt like.

Damn the allure of these flannel pants! I just don't know my own power in them!
Lewi has come over to visit Lara (and us a little bit, but mostly Lara!) and he's teaching me how to play Silent Hill like the n00b I am. Which involves a lot of swearing at the screen when the monsters show up, insulting their mothers and sexual proclivities. (Turns out, when monster killing, I turn into a raging misogynistic who yells things at the screen like "die, you fucking whore beast from hell! FUCKING EAT MY BAT!" Which is... a little concerning for my inner mental state, I'm sure.)

I have discovered two things about this game so far. First that, oh my god, is there a shit load of walking around. Down streets, in buildings, walking walking walking gimme more monsters! (So I can panic.) And secondly, the protagonist that you play, James? A complete and utter walking Doesn't Deserve To Live. Oh, so stupid! So stupid! Let me count the ways.

I now present: James is a douche, in list format )

I might understand all this if he were some super cool marine dude before coming to Silent Hill, but he was a regular freaking guy! He has no badassary excuses!

Also, at some angles, he looks like Edward Cullen. No one else seems to see this, but I do. I SEE IT. And it means my desire to help him remain alive is even less. Damn he and I being the same person!
I talked to my little brother on the phone today. In my mind he's seventeen still but he's turning twenty-one in March. It's all wrong. He sounds like a grown up man-person and he's about six-four apparently.

He and his girlfriend have been together for five years in April, and he told me he's going to propose then. They're also trying for a baby.

My face = :O to every single thing in this post.

Although he's apparently a big BSG fan which means we have something in common for what might be the first time ever.
On Saturday night there was a Heroes and Villains party. So I say to myself, Self, who is the most bestest and sexiest villain?

The answer is, of course, The Hitcher. He will, after all, harness the powers of evil to abuse you. In song format.

I'm a cockney... I'm a cockney... )

A few people got who I was. Everyone else was just confused to why I kept speaking to them in a bad cockney accent and threatening to put them in dolphin suits...
LFoD drinkies tonight means I have to clean my room. As one can understand this is a horrible thing for me to face and I have to remove to poets so I can vacuum. (Rats? Strangely not fond of the very loud sucking machine. Who would have thought it?) Uuuuugh, task too daunting. Abort. Abort.

Slave auction and party last night was pretty damn awesome even if I was - shock horror - sober. (See, mum? Totally not a drunk ;P) Had heaps of fun actually and did my regular trick of stealing leather jackets from the nearest male. It remains one of my very favourite games.

I want to end this on something really witty, but alas I have nothing.

EDIT: Hats make me look like a twat.

Rock on, my bitches.

\m/>.<\m/
Oh man, I wish I was making cupcakes right now. Raen's icon makes me crave them like mad but since we're shopping this afternoon the pantry will be rather empty of cupcake making supplies at the moment. But there will be cupcakes for the drinkies this Friday. Because we are a ladies flat and we do ladies things, like brightly decorated cupcakes. And metric shit tons of tequila. I'll throw some of those little silver balls into it all.

First medieval feast was good although by the end I felt like I was going to explode from the amount of food I'd eaten. Especially the pottage cheese and bread. We stole more from the table next to us. And then after the feast we came back to the LFoD and watched the last two Batman movies. Batman Forever was a lot better when I was twelve. I remember them being a very good movie. How very very wrong I was. And we all already expected the horror of Batman and Robin, for no one has the power to block the ice-related puns from memory. We marked them all down on the sliding door in the living room so we will never forget. Someone who wasn't me also drew a stick man doing obscene things to Catwoman. Can't trust any one these days.

Alison keeps making fun of Baudelaire for being the Goodyear Rat. Poor thing! He's going to get a rodent self esteem issue, the little fatty.
Oh, hello bedroom. You are fantastically wonderful and not full of leaves and lack any sort of deflating bed.

I returned this afternoon from Canterbury Faire, the ever-fantastic week long medieval event. And while I was happy to leave behind sleeping in a very small tent with Raen, I shall miss the rest of it.

I ate so many pies. Mmmm, pie. And Turkish coffee. I wish I had one now because I'm quite asleep even after falling into my bed as soon as our return to the LFoD.

And while it is not medieval, human croquet is serious amounts of fun when played :)
Why is that the more sex is in a European movie, the more likely it is to end in PAINFUL TRAGEDY. European sex romps are so unrompy when Alison and I get them out.

So we've been sitting on the couch for the last four hours watching movies and spent half of it laughing, crying 'hee! penis!', or crying.

Y Tu Mama Tambien? So good. I've been meaning to see it for years and years but never got around to it. So. Fantastically. Fabulous. All filled with pain for something that had two sex scenes by the time it was three minutes in. Seventeen year old boys are hilarious. And Spanish is sexy.

And now we've just finished the French Ma Mere which was specifically rented because it has Louis Garrel in it, who is one of Raen's main crushes. He's quite a nummy treat. What can I say about it... what can I say... Hmmm, how about OH. MY. GOD. In fact, it was so painful that I've been saying "Oh. My. God." since it finished. Raen has been wandering around in traumatised silence. Because....OH MY GOD. If you're looking for a nice easy sex romp involving mother and son? Yeah, find another one. I mean, it was really good in a very painful way, but... I feel bad for every single person in that movie! :(

Next weekend we're doing the first three Batmans! :D

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honeyspider

August 2012

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