Oh my god, you guys.

Okay, so I look up from the computer to see some guy out at the front deck looking at me, so I get up (in my pjs, baby) to go see what he wants. He's probably in his mid-forties and has a thick accent that my Aussieness can only pick out as Pacific Islander of some sort but means I keep missing some of the things he says. I will henceforth blame my failure to understand his accent as the root of our troubles.

The man basically says, 'Uh, hi, I'm trying to find number six on this street but there isn't one?'

And I have to admit that so far he is very correct. There is no number six on this street. Then he says he's in the area spreading the word about how Jesus Christ is our awesome saviour and that he's coming back soon. I nodded along politely and bitched in my head about how I don't go around to people's houses preaching the awesomeness of atheism and science. (I don't bitch out loud though, because that would be rude, unlike coming to my house to tell me things I already know.)

Finally after a bit he asks if he can interest me in going somewhere tomorrow and I'm thinking 'fuck NO I don't want to go to your church, just let me go back to reading Regretsy, man.' Instead of this I just say 'no, thank you, I'm not really interested.'

Lara would have just gone back inside here. Lara is good at saying no to people and walking away.

I am not.

Thus this carried on for a bit more and I talked about how I had been religious but had moved away from that, and he asked if I was alone today or if my husband or kids were inside. I told him that, no, I didn't have a husband and kids and laughed because, dear lord, the sheer idea is hilarious to me even when coming from a stranger I've never met.

He asks me a few more times to go to his church. I continue politely declining. Then he asks if maybe I'd like to go out to a restaurant with him instead. (DAMN ME FOR SAYING I DIDN'T HAVE A HUSBAND.) I told him that, sorry, no, I wasn't really interested.

Then he kept asking if I was sure.

DUDE. If someone says no the first time to a date, pestering isn't the way to win them over.

Eventually he asks why I won't go on a date with him and I say that I have a girlfriend. (Because, apparently, I'm not interested just wasn't working.)

To which he said aww, but I needed a boyfriend as well.

By this point I'm sort of thinking HOLY CRAP, CAN I JUST GET OUT OF HERE? Seriously, Lara would be out of here. Why am I not, likewise, out of here? Damn this misplaced sense of politeness!

I tell him that, no, I don't need a boyfriend because I have a girlfriend.

But the guy keeps smiling and saying that a girlfriend isn't enough and I can't really be happy with that and that I need a boyfriend instead. ON AND ON.

SWEET BABY JESUS, HOW DO I MAKE THIS STOP? (The answer would probably be to stop smiling like a rabbit in the headlights of dating doorknockers.)

He goes to say something else and I just cut him off with a big smile and 'I'm so sorry that I can't help you find number six, but good luck!' Then I take a few steps back to say THIS CONVERSATION IS NOW COMPLETE.

Luckily for me he takes that sign and while he does seem like he wants to tell me I need a boyfriend for the twelfth time and ask me to go to dinner with him, he doesn't and I smile and make my way back inside as he disappears off down the driveway.

This whole conversation was probably about six minutes long and not actually the half hour it felt like.

Damn the allure of these flannel pants! I just don't know my own power in them!

GLEE!!

Sep. 3rd, 2009 12:37 am
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!

I just got the best news ever and even though I'm not actually allowed to say here what it is or was about I just need to SQUEEEEEEEEE about it. And I will because it's my journal.

ohmygod, I am actually so happy right now I might burst :D :D :D
The flat is currently caring for a toddler overnight and I have discovered that of all the talking I do at him (definatly 'at' because he's too little to converse) his favourite word above all others is 'necromancy.' Necromancy makes him giggle and clap his hands.

I have high hopes for this child.

But because there is a limit to how many times I can fall on the floor when he pretends to kill me (CHILDREN ARE EXHAUSTING) I am hiding in my room with tea and gorgeous female singers. Sadly, those are only in picture form.


With the gorgeous of Emilie Autumn, Amanda Palmer, Christina Scabbia and Simone Simons )
Tonight all four of us at the LFoD sat on the couch and watched Friday Night Lights topless. Yes, there is photographic evidence. No, you may not see it. :D But - and you might not believe this - Jen started it! Jen's breasts are becoming more and more visible in the flat save for strategically placed hands.

Happy Birthday to me, baby. ♥

In the morning I am going to be woken with PANCAKES. I loves me some pancakes. And then I get PARTY! DRINKINGS AND FUN!

:D
The sweet sweet smell of free library wireless. Oh yeah, baby.

You know what's awesomely funny? When your flatmate flashes her tits to everyone in the living room because she forgets that she's already removed her bra earlier. Classic times, people. Classic breast filled times. (And those, as we know, are the best kind of times that there are.)

And now I wait for Ali to get off work - I can't see her at the moment - so we can go to the Victorian photography thingy that is on in town. I like Victorian. And photography. So this evening of entertainment is most obvious.

Although I'm starting to think that perhaps I shouldn't have left the house today without breakfast/lunch.
LFoD drinkies tonight means I have to clean my room. As one can understand this is a horrible thing for me to face and I have to remove to poets so I can vacuum. (Rats? Strangely not fond of the very loud sucking machine. Who would have thought it?) Uuuuugh, task too daunting. Abort. Abort.

Slave auction and party last night was pretty damn awesome even if I was - shock horror - sober. (See, mum? Totally not a drunk ;P) Had heaps of fun actually and did my regular trick of stealing leather jackets from the nearest male. It remains one of my very favourite games.

I want to end this on something really witty, but alas I have nothing.

EDIT: Hats make me look like a twat.

Rock on, my bitches.

\m/>.<\m/
You know, back in the early days of this LJ (all the way back in November ) I used to update every day and yet these days it's nothing like that. Last post here was two and a half weeks ago. And yet I still spend most of my internet time on LJ. I'm just not usually in my own account. Damn dirty internet role playing.

I've decided that Raen is a dirty filthy lesbian and cannot be contained. Last night she found my Victoria Secret catalogue and began ferociously licking the cleavage of the models before working her way down. I worry for that girl sometimes. She's obviously completely deranged. Poor Miranda Kerr has gone all warpy now...
Oh fingers, why you so cold?

There is a rat balanced rather precariously upon my head. He's going to fall and he knows it, which is why he keeps burying his claws in my scalp. Ow, Byron! He needs to learn to remain in more comfortable places. Not very bright is he.

Everyone is out now and the house is stupidly quite, which means I require music. And now that that's fixed in a minute I'm about to call someone to ask about an Othello audition. Because, mmmm, Othello. I haven't done any proper acting since high school so it's very possible I suck at it by now but, hey, it's just an audition. No harm in that. I wish I still had the singing voice I used to in my earlyish teens because then I could do muuusicals. I loves me some musicals.

Alison and I got out the first season of Queer As Folk last week and it was awesome, especially in the deja vu kind of way. Man, I used to love that show so much. I am discovering I am still quite fond. Jen got sucked into it as well toward the end of the season and now both she and Ali and flailing over Season Finale Dramah. It's funny ;D And then we watched the first episode of Dexter (with bubbly!) when it was on the telly the other night. Good, although I'm not yet sure what I make of it. I shall withhold judgement until I've seen a few more.

Sena brought around the latest episode of SPN and I now can't get the silly fake theme song out of my head:

Ghost, Ghost Facers! We go the places where the others will not!
Ghost, Ghost Facers! We stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot!


Heh heh heh.

And, oh! The Sarah Conner Chronicles are going to start soon! Fuck yeah! I'm really hoping it's going to be good. Please wipe all memory of that terrible third film from my mind.
Oh man, I wish I was making cupcakes right now. Raen's icon makes me crave them like mad but since we're shopping this afternoon the pantry will be rather empty of cupcake making supplies at the moment. But there will be cupcakes for the drinkies this Friday. Because we are a ladies flat and we do ladies things, like brightly decorated cupcakes. And metric shit tons of tequila. I'll throw some of those little silver balls into it all.

First medieval feast was good although by the end I felt like I was going to explode from the amount of food I'd eaten. Especially the pottage cheese and bread. We stole more from the table next to us. And then after the feast we came back to the LFoD and watched the last two Batman movies. Batman Forever was a lot better when I was twelve. I remember them being a very good movie. How very very wrong I was. And we all already expected the horror of Batman and Robin, for no one has the power to block the ice-related puns from memory. We marked them all down on the sliding door in the living room so we will never forget. Someone who wasn't me also drew a stick man doing obscene things to Catwoman. Can't trust any one these days.

Alison keeps making fun of Baudelaire for being the Goodyear Rat. Poor thing! He's going to get a rodent self esteem issue, the little fatty.
Last night was the KAOS First Party. Meeting went great and was quite amusing, so props to all involved in that. The party itself was great as well. I'm not all that eloquent at the best of times and this morning I'm sort of hung over so that's all you're getting from me on that.

Some of the first years need a firm smack about the head though. There were two separate groping boys, one of whom had to actually be forcibly shoved away from me and told to fuck off before he got the point. Was also approached by another who said I looked like a dodgy kind of slut. Thanks but no thanks, mate. Fuck off and die, preferably painfully, and keep your hands off me.

But, yes, other than boys being boys there was much fun to be had. The LFoD took Jen's friend Alina along and she seemed to enjoy herself. She was looking for some geeky friends so who better to introduce her to than KAOS?

The plan for tonight is (more than likely) this and then dragging ourselves out of bed early enough tomorrow morning to go see Hera at the arts centre since Alison has become obsessed. We might even have nachos. Mmmmm, nachos.

The plan for right now though? zomgtea.
I'm so the guy in this flat. Even when we have an actual sort of guy here, I'm still the one make comments about breasts.

Tim came over to watch the Victoria's Secret show the other night. He claims he was just following Sam, but we know the truth. This is, after all, the boy who used to just happen to show up at the right time on Friday nights to watch America's Next Top Model with us, so we really can't believe anything he claims about his television habits.

Anyway, none of the VS models were rated higher than a four out of ten, except for Miranda Kerr who apparently got a six. Must be her cuteness. Apparently if Heidi Klum shows up at his house he'll send her to the nursing home.

Jessica White is made of hot but needs to eat something. Really.

My votes for next year's VS show: Caroline YOU FOOLS. Judith (nudity), Bianca, Cintia, Pania (but only if she puts on a bit of weight), Tamiris, Emanuela, and Crystal (but that's never going to happen.)

And notes to VS:

1. I don't care if Ana broke contract to model a catalogue for someone who paid her better: Get her back. Seriously.

2. Rosie can look this. So why do you keep giving her awful outfits in the show?
Alcamahol makes the happiness happen! Aaaahhhhh.

I'm half packed, and the rest can be...ummm... laterers! (My suitcase is a hilarious sea of black.) For now is drinkings time!

Tomorrow I go to Nimbin and I am SO PLEASED. Nimbin! Yay! It is, in fact, one of my favourite places in the whole world. Made of pretty! Even if I am shit-poor, I don't care!

The rest of the LFoD are currently watching Greenwing, but since that is one of the British comedies I don't do I just get to drink and listen to music. Mmmmm, Maynard. He makes the sexy happen in the music. Sequioa said she was going to come over and join me once she'd showered, so I'll just sit here and imagine her naked and wet and writing until then. Oooooh yeeeeeah.

(Darker London: Alison is God and Master of my characters. I've told her she's allowed to do whatever she likes with him. You know, as long as it's in character. If I come back and find that Jude is a giggly pornstar and Scarlett a raving cock-whore, I'm going to be displeased.)
I think my spam filter has been eating emails that aren't actually spam >_< I only just discovered this today, because as if I'm dedicated enough to sort through the millions of spams I get every day. But hopefully I've fixed it now and it won't eat things anymore. So if you've emailed me and I never replied: Hi! I'm not being rude! I probably just didn't know! (It's gmail being rude.)

The sun is glaring in my window and making it rather difficult to see the screen. But I will soldier on through the hard times, baby. Because in nine days I'll be in Nimbin, so how can anything possibly be bad about that? Nimbin, baby! And mum's currently booking me tickets for Christmas in Tassie. I am a jet setting superstar and you better believe it, cupcake.

Mmmm, I wish I had a cupcake.

I am currently downloading Into the Woods, because my DVD of said musical is beyond dead. (Yes, Sequoia. A MUSICAL. Try not to vomit directly on your screen.) Downloading is taking forever. Grargh. But then Raen and I are going to sit round, eat crap, and sing along to fairy tales. I am SO HARDCORE you can barely comprehend it.

Aaaaand an email from mum just now informs me that Tasmania is 18th - 29th of December. Holy shit it's going to be weird to be back there.

(PS to Raen: Hilary Rhoda + Crystal Renn = Totally sisters. y/n?)

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